Island

It is so ironic. There is no place I'd rather vacation than on an island...preferably Jamaica or Hawaii. In fact, I long for being on an island...away from the daily pressures...away from the constant thoughts that permeate my days...away from normalcy.

Yet, being an island IS my state of normalcy. I truly feel like an island. Who I am just doesn't seem to fit with what the world and society expects of its inhabitants. I really am not whining when I say this although I know it may come off as though I am. The reality of it all is that I have never really belonged. I have always felt somewhat alone in my beliefs, my philosophies, my heart. Now don't get me wrong...I spent much of my life trying to get off of my island. I tried to conform. I sacrificed pieces of myself. I behaved in ways that would make some of the people reading this laugh, because it seems ludicrous that I would consider myself alone on my journey. The truth is, I have finally found myself and it just so happens that my true soul resides on an island.

People sometimes come to visit my island. They often get sick of the island - it is pretty intense being surrounded by water with few ways to leave. Some live on the island with me. Although few, they reside on the island and understand what it is like to live on the island. Then there is the rest of the planet. They just don't get why anyone would choose to live on an island. As a result, they really don't even know what to do or say to those of us who do, so they stay away.

I rarely feel like I am on an island when I am teaching, especially sixth graders. They just get it. They are so raw and honest and funny and true. They are not manipulative, not cunning, not bitter. They just want to live life and most of them don't know how to do it in a dishonest manner. Their souls are pure. I guess that is why it hit me like a lead balloon this week when at work I decided it was time to return once again to my island. What I believe about what is best for students seems to be archaic in today's system and it breaks my heart. All I hear about are test scores and curriculum and studying and organizing and grades and test scores and instructing and mandates and NCLB and MAP and MCA and TEAE and AYP. Where is the CHILD in all of this? Where is the FUN? Where is the time for CONNECTING with students at an emotional level? When do I get to INVEST in the relationships with my students so that they INVEST in the learning in my class? The investments of time I give to my students that are related to fun have a high rate of return. I rarely lose time, because the kids I work with know that I love them and care about them and believe in them. Having fun is what hooks the kids and gets them INVESTED in their learning.

So what does this have to do with being an island? Pretty much everything. Being a teacher is WHO I AM. I don't know how to separate it from my other self.

I need to be at peace living on my island. It is where I am destined to reside.