Third Grade Boys

Seriously...
Is there anything quite like the thinking of a third grade boy?
Everything has to do with farts, burps, sports and penises.
I can handle all of these things.
It's the conversation I had with Jack tonight that concerns me.

Jack: You know, girls who are tan are hot.

Me: What do you mean? (I was hoping he meant hot in the literal sense.)

Jack: You know. Cute. Hot. Boys who are tan are hot, too. He looks at his arms. I've got to get myself some sun.

Me: Is there a hot girl you are interested in?

Jack: Well, no. But Hunter is interested in Krystalin and she is tan. She is hot.

Me: According to Hunter?

Jack: Yeah. Him and everyone else.

I had to pause here for a few minutes just to catch my breath.

Me: But you don't like her or anyone?

Jack: No. I'm waiting for a girl who wears the right clothes and is nice to me. Oh yeah. And she can't be scared of me. Girls are scared of me, because I'm so funny.

Me: What do the girls do when they are scared of you?

Jack: They roll their eyes at me and walk away.

Me: Honey, that's not fear. That's exasperation.

I kind of liked it better when he talked about natural body functions.