Reconciliation

As a young Catholic, this was a sacrament for me.

A necessary evil.

Sitting in front of a priest
confessing how bad of a person I am
in order to get into the kingdom of Heaven.

What a difference three decades (and a religion) make.

My recent reconciliation was three decades in the making.

It was with my dad.
Who is dying.

For so many years,
I have held on to resentment
misunderstanding
impatience
disappointment
anger.

This week,
I let it go.

And I forgave him.

For all the things he didn't know
he needed to be forgiven for.

For all the things he didn't know
how to do as a dad.

And I told him I forgave him.

What an important step.

And now he is dying.
And I have limited time to reconcile.

But I am committed.

I want my children to love him
without all of the baggage I had to sort through
in order to do so.

I want him to know I love him
no matter the events of the past.

Instead of sitting in front of a priest
reconciling
I am going to sit in front of my dad
loving him.

And if it doesn't get me into heaven...
so what.