My Favorite Jack Story Ever

So...
We're in the car.
Just Jack, my 10 year old,
and me.
He started talking about something
he heard on the bus.
The dreaded bus
whose riders are known to teach
each other about things
their parents haven't
taught yet.

I decided it was time to open that door.
You know the one.
After all, he is going to see "the movie" this year
in health class.
I'd like him to be a little prepared for what's coming.
Especially because it's Jack...
the boy who doesn't really pay attention to details
unless they are related to sports statistics.
These are details that I'd actually like him to pay attention.
So I dived in on the ten minute car ride to basketball practice.

Me: You know, honey, you can talk to me about anything. If you have any questions about anything, you can ask me and I won't judge you or lie to you or anything.

Pause.
Pause.
Pause.

Jack: Ok. I have one.
What is sex?

Hmmmm. I thought I was ready for this question.
I guess I wasn't.
I needed a few moments to collect myself
and to wipe the smile off of my face.

Me: Well. I'm going to be completely honest with you, because I think you are ready for it. Pause. Sex is when a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina.

Pause.
Pause.
Pause.

Jack: Ohhh. Have you and dad done that?
Me: Well, yeah. It is how you make babies.
Jack: Have you done it a lot?
Me: Well, when you get married, it is something that is normal and natural.

Pause.
Pause.
Pause.

Jack: I am SO never doing that.

So there I am, holding in laughter, realizing I have to say something. Knowing Jack, he'd be scared of sex forever unless I further explain.

Me: Well, when you get older and go through puberty, your body will change and you'll probably want to do it with someone you love someday.
Jack: You mean puberty like Patrick? Like him and his girlfriend?

Jeez - this is a slippery slope.

Me: No. Patrick is in 8th grade. He is not having sex in eighth grade and you definitely are NOT to have sex while you are in middle or high school. Or before you are married. (Yes, I'm a hypocrite. You all can say it. Just wait until you have a boy of your own.)

Pause.
Pause.
Pause.

Jack: Vagina is a weird word.
Me: Yes, I agree. So I'll share with you what one of my students shared with me. Pennsylvania and Virginia.

Pause.
Pause.
(Only two this time.)

Jack: Oh. I get it. Pennsylvania is like Penis and Virginia is like Vagina.
Me: Exactly.

Thankfully, we pull into the parking lot for basketball practice.

Me: Jack, this is a conversation that WE share. You and me. You are not to go and tell all of your friends the things you learned today. They will have this conversation with their own parents in the way their parents want to have it.

Jack: Well, this conversation is SO staying in this car.


Despite working with adolescents all day, I don't think I'm ready for my son to be one.