Dualing Bottles..

My son and daughter were upstairs.
Showers were finished.
Toothbrushing commenced.
Then the arguing began.


Son: You need to clean it up.
Daughter: No, YOU need to clean it up.
Son: You!
Daughter: No YOU!

Then things got quiet.
And the smell of Windex filled the air.
And I knew there was trouble.

I walked upstairs to find the boy and girl squirting each other with a bottle of Windex.
Apparently I left both bottles upstairs in the cleaning cupboard.

Ammunition, I suppose.

My voice filled the stairway.
The Windex bottles returned to their holsters.

Me: Are you NUTS? You are squirting CHEMICALS at one another?

They stood.
Silently.
Sheepishly.
Windex at their sides.

Me: Do you REALIZE that Windex is NOT for fighting but for cleaning? Not to mention that if you swallowed this, you could die? That if you shot this into each other's eyes you could go blind?

Silence.
Full body pouts.
Then...

Julia's hand rubs her eye. A tear forms.

Julia: I think I got Windex in my eye.

More tears.

Julia: I think I'm going blind.
Jack: You're just saying that so I get into more trouble than you.
Julia: (tears miraculously gone) No I am NOT!
Jack: Yes, you are!
Julia: No, I am NOT!
Jack: Yes, you ARE!

Me: STOP IT! STOP THE MADNESS! You are BOTH grounded and you'd better keep those Windex bottles handy, because you'll be using them to clean my house tomorrow.

Of course, I think I am mother of the year as the boy and girl go their separate ways, into their bedrooms, and into bed.
Problem solved.
No more dualing bottles.

Well that lasted all of one day.
The spray water bottles came out
And all hell broke loose.
Again.

There are no suggestions
anywhere on the internet
that tell me how to deal with children
who fight with fluids.

I think I'll start my book.