What? I Can't Hear You...

My most common words these days...

The ringing in my ears
The muffled pressure
Making it sound like
I am talking into a tin can
or a megaphone
or a pillow...
What? I can't hear you...

It makes me think...
We sure do take our hearing for granted.

My ADHD rears its ugly head when I have to actually concentrate to hear something.
I usually can listen to two conversations at once and pick up on both of them.
I'm not saying I get all of the details, but I am an expert at multi-task-listening.
Just ask anyone I know.

We sure do take our hearing for granted.

My son hollers from upstairs about needing help with something;
I thought he said he was peeing without thinking.

My students ask me if they can sharpen their pencils;
I think they are asking if they can harpoon whales.

It's that bad.

I have tried everything.
Heating pads.
Sudafed.
Benadryl.
Advil.
Neti-pots.
Humidifiers.
Saunas.
Steam rooms.
Hot showers.
Anti-biotics.
Homeopathic ear drops.
Spinning on a merry-go-round.
Ear Candling...

Yes.
Ear Candling.
I went to a hypnotist/energy healer/ear candler to get relief from my non-hearing.
Interesting experience.
Needless to say, it didn't work.
It cleaned much of the crud from my ears
But it didn't help to ease the situation.

In fact
When I went to my doctor
He told me he had never seen the coating he had seen on my eardrum.
He had no idea what it was.
"It's probably soot."

What a weird thing to say to your doctor.

Anyway,
then I had to explain
ear candling.

Yeah,
he got the ear-washer-thingy out
sprayed my ear full of water
twice
and then made me get off the table.

Apparently he knew something.
I got "Tilt-a-Whirl" dizzy.
And I didn't even have to ride the ride.
Weird.

This is hell for me.
I communicate for a living.
What would I do without my ability to hear?
or speak?

Of course, my mind assumes the worst.
Either I'm going deaf or I have a brain tumor.
My doctor assured me that neither is happening.
I just need to take this wicked drug called Prednisone
Which makes me hyper
and jittery
and nervous

And wait for my head to drain.

I'm switching to decaf
while I patiently wait
to utter the words
"Wait - I can hear you!"